Realities Fantasy

Minus minuets, make me small.

Zero light and tiny sounds,

no smell and little taste. 

Nothing but a privation of feeling. 

Four thirty and still no buzz. 

Fabric and lipstick, you look good. 

The trees for the wood. 

The floor for the sky. 

Music with laughter. 

Tears with kisses and words, 

that stir. Water cascades and 

fireworks. Intoxication. 

Eyes across a dance floor. 

Drinks and taxies. 

Bedsheets and latex. 

Headaches and phone numbers. 

Talk of books and TV, 

who won that thing we both watch? 

Mutual friends and schools. 

Curtains and smashed dishes. 

Awakening, clouds and pillows. 

Dogs barking and people yelling. 

Regret fear envy lust longing sorrow. 

The trudge away, the reality. 

Monsters Under The Bed

Green eyed monsters seem to leap from your eyes every time you look at her. 
What do you want? Her sunset? Her miracle? Her song? 
No. You want what she's got. 
But the moment you board that ship you want to jump over board. 

Hands linger on flesh, caress, barley touch.
Twelve summers, to your thirty one. 
The kicks fly, they arc, but come down. 
Hands swoop, like birds spotting prey. 

Grey, white, a future flashes in front of her eyes. 
A rainbow flows from your very being. 

A lone fly dangles from a web, until the spider comes. 

Liquid Monsters

I watch as you shoot happiness into your arm, 

As you begin to drown in your own euphoria. 

I see it ebb into everything you do. Your life, 

Swallowed by liquid monsters, your undoing 

Is done in front of my eyes. 

Flesh seems to melt of your bones, 

Money becomes fluid and is sucked away, 

People, who used to swarm to you like bee to honey, 

Flee like your fire. Your skin tightens. Eyes darken. 

We don’t get you back, not the one we wanted. 

You die. Or you may as well have.

Dream Diary

So I've been having a lot of crazy dreams lately. And some of them are pretty whack, I don't know where my head comes up with all this stuff. So I thought because there more creative than I am being lately that I'll write my latest one down:

It's set in this massive perfectly round citadel. With a low wall going all the way round the edge, with the city inside being a kind of shanty town of houses. Out from the citadel is nothing but perfect green meadows and in the distance are snow capped mountains. Also running around the edge are train tracks. But they're suspended high above the ground, above the entire city, on high stilts. I'm now somehow on this train which just goes round and round in circles on this track and I report to a woman sitting at a desk behind a ton of boxes with vinyl records in them. I've reported to become a radio DJ and she begins to show me to where i'll be broadcasting from. We move a long the train. Some of the compartment are like normal trains. But others are like sleeper compartment. We get to a bathroom with a massive bathroom, the water tipping to one side all the time cause the train never stops moving. She then slides open a secret panel and we go through a secret passage. We step around a corner and then are in a more run down bathroom, with an old style empty bath. We both stand in the empty bath and hold onto the shower curtain rail. I ask her whats going on and she tell me we're about to travel in time. I look at her confused as the roof opens. The underneath us a giant spring releases and we're propelled into the air. This was where the dream ended.

Hope

A small light penetrates the dark. Lying in bed, trying to sleep, he sees the dim glow. Alcohol, sex, money, drugs, life... Infinity spiraling in front of him are his years. He see’s it for what it is in that moment. And he’s sees it is nothing. Curled up however he feels the force. The uncontrollable unexplainable force that tell us to go on, that there is some sort of purpose. He names in a survival instinct, but really we’re all just scared of the dark. Well no, we’re not scared of the dark, we’re scared of whats in it, or more importantly, whats not in it. 

Lying in bed he sees the small specs of a larger world. He says there’s nothing out there. Life is pointless and all he wants are simple pleasures. He kids himself into believing there is not greater purpose. 

In the darkness he feels the warm embrace of drink, standing idly back as it consumes his body and demons drag it away. In the breaks he feels the solid comfort of money, the small promise of safety and life in simple numbers. In the wilder, insane specs of his existence he feels his being get killed and turn to euphoria in one insane swipe. And then in his slow, monotones life he feels the sweat and pleasure of the human condition. 

But then, he doesn’t see the light, he notices it. He looks upon dawn and decides it’s for him. He kicks the floor and demands it’s his. But as he does it withdraws. He fails, he lives, he dies. 

Exit Wounds

I wander in and out of colours.  

A massive chess boards with red and blue pieces,

Tree’s made of lego and houses made of books. 

I swim in an ocean of oranges juice, 

Walk along talking to my shadow. 

I saunter into darkness. 

A black, knowing smirk looks down on me. 

Dark haunted eyes watch me turn in fear, 

But behind me no longer exists. 

I see flashing lights, red triangles and bright orange. 

Then darkness, then I fall, then reality restores. 

Black, White and Colour

The world in front of me is black and white.

While only I walk in colour, I see my family in colour. 

Cold comes and cold goes but that’s all that’s bright. 

Until one day you seem to fill in, you’re fuller. 

The blonde of your hair, the blue of your eyes. 

A second, the smouldering brown the jewel green. 

I look up and see the clouds, see the colourless skies. 

You don’t shock me, though it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen. 

In front of me lie two colours, blue and red. 

Red burns bright, I almost feel it on my skin. 

Blue beckons me, it takes over my head. 

I want to choose one so my life can begin. 


*Poem taken from one of my narrative's 

By The Sun, By The Edge

Heaven would be a hell of a place. 

Watching eyes in the walls wait for me to slip up. 

I rock the corner, the tiny part of my world lights up with blue, 

Snow covers the ground of my existence, I shovel it away, 

But it just tumbles back on top of me. 

I make snow angels. I look at the never comig sun. 

I watch as I go over horizon and horizon, the sun sets 

Somewhere in the distance, behind the edge of the universe. 

But then it comes up to me, and I look and realize I’ve lost everything 

In a sea of sorrow, my wants drowned. Now I fling myself of the edge 

But then you grab me by the collar, turn me round and say. 

“Go to the edge on the other side” And I smile. As me and her go 

To save my wants. 

Inverted Worlds

Swimming in a sea of bed sheets

We drive a drown and drive again. 

Running on a road of feathers 

Passing nowhere and heading to nowhere. 

Climbing a mountain of stairs

Reaching the summit we pulsate. 

Light streaks through the rafters, 

Columns of dust sway in a non existent breeze. 

Ribbons flare over the purple sky. 

They duck and dive, tensing the orange water

Next to the blood red grass. Alone a single doves wanders. 

Inverted is the world alone, half of it missing. 

In bed sheets she wakes, colors in the right place. 

Flesh still next to hers, life still in her veins. 

Empty Battlefield

I think I know every detail of the floor.
My eye's refuse to give into my desire to look,
My breath doesn't want to be steady.
I feel my arms shake, my fingers grasp at empty air.
The life around me is being sucked away,
I would give it to you if I could.

The results say I'm wrong. But I know I'm right.
Heaven and hell are going to war but I don't know which is which.
Fire laps the skin of my existence, threatening to destroy my world.
Yet excitement rises in my heart.
Clouds drift by, a long summer day, friends away, emptiness in the world.
Yet, this is simple, this is right.

At the centre of the battlefield I wait, ready to be consumed.
I will it to happen but it never does, nobody ever charges for me.

You and I, Love and Hate.

I live in a circle full of warmth. 

You live with the doors closed, but the ice still gets in. 

I live under sunlight, I see clearly. 

You live under darkness, your blind. 

You throw the dart but miss the target.

I sit and watch it fly by without flinching.

You pull strings and move puppets into place at will. 

I take hands, smile for a smile in return. 

I don’t love what I hate.

You hate what you love. 

They say we’re both stupid.  

We both know it’s true.  

Inferno

Ember floats from atlantis to land on the hay at my feet, 

it sits suspended for a moment the catches as if late for the bus. 

Fire slowly builds until it engulfs me. 

You look at me and wonder why I'm on fire, why would i do that?

But only you can put me out, you life is my water. 

But i’d rather blaze forever than feel your cold embrace. 

Then when you touch you catch fire to. 

Smoke signals everyone of our flames, they cheer us on 

We burn together, two fire become one. 

I fall of a cliff but you tug me back before i hit water

Our Inferno builds brighter and hotter

And even as we leave this earth are fire still ranges. 

We set fire to the world. 

We let it know what fire feels like. 

We burn forever. 

For As Long As We Both Shall Live

Smoke rises, beams of light are caught in it’s grip. 

The sun isn’t what it used to be, it’s changed the the world which it used to give life. 

Forever dusk, ash never settles. 

Crack appear, small at first but then they span out and consume. 

Things shift, once sturdy positions are now uncomfortable. 

The dust resettle after things find a new resting place. 

She smiled, it was like the sun had found a new vent. 

Connected, their eyes are glued, but by will.

They circle, towards there own destruction. 

The Zombie Diaries - Part 5 - The Thin Line

*All speech has been translated from Russian 

The first item is a order sent to army basses all over Russia. 

Because of the recent epidemic of the unknown virus the government has ordered the set up a line of defence against the infected heading towards russia through Europe. So the military will dispatch you to our border and you will form a line across the continent and hold it till a cure is found. See included information for where you will be dispatched. 

*An Interview conducted with the only known veteran of the russian dead defence. Currently living in a psychiatric ward in the only know siberian settlement.  

The dead defence followed the old russian border almost perfectly starting in the most Northern part that bordered estonia then going south going through other countries to maintain the straight line and also cutting out part of our own. Then it came to the north east tip of the black sea. The line went directly east from there until it met the Caspian sea and thats was it. We only protected ourselves for Europe and even that didn't work out, we never thought it would spread in asia so quickly, or that there would be infected coming from Alaska or Canada. Pretty soon after the army moved into place along the line it was seen how they were spread to thin, conscription was brought in, only in Moscow at first but after the promise the army would be the first to get the cure when it was ready many sighed up without hesitation. 

But the whole thing was ridicules I remember the darkness pressed against my eyes, the rain and the mud was all I could see. I don't know how I was suppose to protect my country like that, they’d promise big flood light but they were always late on. If a hoard of dead came at us we would be finished, it’s not like they hate the rain, or water, those stories about infected rising from the black sea might not be true but I'm damn glad I wasn’t on that front. I paced my section of the trench for about half an hour, it was up to who ever was in  charge of there section of line on how to guard it, we decided to build bunkers but it was slow going, supplies were thin and we have only just enough men to guard and build at the same time. Some parts of the line had simple chain link fences while others have barricades made from anything imaginable, cars, houses, whole towns converted into a long stretch of wall that went on for ever, I saw the picture on the news when I got of duty sometimes. 

All we had was a trench for the foundations of what should be a concrete house, it seems a little permanent to me, this amazing multipurpose building that will make are line impassable by anything. When Europe got quiet, in those days when it stayed there and we thought it had stopped, all of russia got tense, we knew there were millions of dead in there, helicopters and planes have flown over places like Berlin and Paris, they say that they wander aimlessly around the streets. I remember them talking about the groups that survived in there though, the refugee thats made it out and the bunker in london that was trying to make a cure.

I remember it all kicker of just as the lights switched, they illuminated the entire field on front of us and it was just in time cause a torso was crawling towards me. When it saw the lights it began to crawl frantically, I still wonder how it lost it’s legs, someone probably should have done a better job of finishing it of. To my left someone impatient finished it off. It slumped down not far from the line, I may have been examining it a bit to long cause it had gotten pretty close. The rest of that night was pretty quiet until it got to dawn. Just as I was beginning to get light I remember I saw it, in the distance was a hill and just on the crest was a swarm of undead. Im not talking about a few dozen there were fucking hundreds of thousands of the bastards. 

For the first time I understood why people called it the walking storm. You see it in the distance at first, it was like the earth was moving, like a land slide. They were running, stampeding, towards the line, there was no way we were ever going to stand up to them, and then the storm hits you, but I wish it was a storm. Several people started firing into the horde, only a few fell, the trained soldiers, were managing head shots whereas the civilian  army just fired blindly into the mass and most managed to hit but no where lethal, they only hit due to the sheer mass of bodies of course. 

*He looks of into the distance for a moment wide eyes like being back there. 

My commanding officer, was grabbed by one of them and then they all piled on, I remember the look of cheer terror in his eyes as they ripped each limb of his body and starting chewing on them, I managed to get him in the head, I'm sure he appreciated it but I still wake up at night thinking… what if that was me. 

*He shudders at the thought of the pain. 

I remember that I didn't shoot one bullet into those thing that night, I only killed him.  As soon as they were upon as simply ran, I’m not sure whether I did the right thing but I know I wouldn’t have made a difference. About two minuets after jets flew over head, they fired into the hoard, I’m sure it helped but it’s not like there human, the ones that get totally vaporised would be gone for sure but they ones who got just burt or an arm blown of, there still walking now. 

*He looks out the window as if to see them approaching now. 

I ran and ran and ran. Got on the evacuation trail into siberia. Lucky I guess, damn lucky. 

*He looks at the scars on his arms, with a look of curiosity, almost wondering how he got them. He asks who I am and what I'm doing here. 

Buying Time

So people say that you can’t make time, or theres not enough time in the world. Well I have to strongly disagree cause there are so many things in the world that give you more  time: 

You can wake up quicker in the morning with coffee, by a faster car to get you places quicker, or get a faster train in the morning, the trains in Japan run by the second, work on the journey there and back to save yourself time. Downloads are the biggest example I see all around me nowadays, constantly advertisers are going on about faster speeds and the whole notion is amazing to me, back in yesteryear you would have to go out and buy music, take the bus into town and get a CD from a store, now all you have to do is press a button on iTunes and music is within your reach almost instantly. The same goes for DVDs, Games, Movies, Apps that are now all online. And who needs to go out shopping when you can get almost anything on Amazon and have it delivered. 

You don’t even have to go out and do the weekly shop anymore, stores deliver for you and all you had to was click what you want on some website. Instant messaging, movies on demand, catch up services, all of these things scream about how much time is saved if you think about it, you don't have to go out of your way to watch something on Tv when it’s on cause it’s online straight away. Fast food, instant meals, ready made, way back when you’d have to actually put thought into making food, make it from scratch, but nowadays it comes to you packaged and ready for consumption after fifteen minuets in a microwave. Just think about what machines do to things like factories and farms. They save time and money by making products and growing food quicker but they cut jobs in the process. 

Now i’m not against most of this stuff, well not really, but what I am against is the people who say they don't have time for the important things or say they need more time cause society today  is always creating time, for it to be only filled with something else, however society makes you pay for all those extra hours you’ve acquired through whatever means. Like sure you can get food shopping delivered to your house, but at a cost, those quicker internet speeds come with a price tag on them. But things like ready made meals may be cheaper but you can bet home made stuff would be better for you. 

So this is to all those people that say you can’t buy time, because I think it’s pretty clear that you can.  

A Little Something

Perfection is in your face, and when I first saw it my eyes didn’t know how to pull themselves away from it, but my brain had more sense and I kept on going just kept on walking. But then time went by and I saw more and more of you, just glimpses of your life is all, the laughter I heard when I walked past you, or the places I see you most. I counted the times I saw you in a week and waited to see you in the same place I’d saw you one week ago. But now I know your leaving my life, and I know I could never look upon perfection again, but I just keep on walking, tears internally soaking my heart, afraid to forget not afraid to lose.

Just a small extract from one of my story's, thought I'd share it but not sure how good it is.

The Zombie Diaries - Part 4 - When Hell Meets Heaven

I stare at the bite mark. But Curtis just starts walking him towards the bungalow. 

“How did you get that” I ask and point at the mark. 

“Oh strange story” He has an unexpected american accent “When I was on my way here and about to set of this crazy women ran up and jumped in the boat, she bite me, hurts like Hell, but I pushed her into the water and high tailed it out of there” I raise my eyebrows. 

“Were you ill before then?” I ask. And he looks at me quizzically, the shakes his head. I leave at that and join the others. The day goes by as normal, we swim and the girls soak up the sun. When me Hayley and Tash are in the water at about five in the afternoon, curtis runs out to us, he looks panicked. I see him talk with Sayed and Michelle, they beckon is in. 

“Whats wrong?” Tash asked with a laugh, as if this is typical of him. 

“Curtis says he died” Sayed Michelle. I recoil and the girls stop drying themselves and look at him. 

“But how” I ask. He shakes his head. Hayley puts her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her. Michelle's eyes flare for a second. 

“It’s ok, maybe he’s out cold or summit, the heat could of made him faint” He shakes his head again. At that we quickly dress and get back there. As we walk in we see him standing, he looks at us with a sort of animal like interest. Sayed and Tash are at the front of the group and they both laugh. 

“See he’s fine, melodramatic much” Sayed says. Just then he launches for us, at Tash, but as if it were a knee jerk reaction Sayed steps in front of her and pushes her back, Michelle catches her easily. Sayed and, well whatever his name is, end up on the floor, theres a grunting sounds coming from the handyman. And it looked like he bites Sayed chest. We all react in different ways, Hayley kicks the man, with a considerable amount of force, and he rolls of Sayed. Michelle runs inside and grabs and hammer out of his tool box, curtis grabs Tash and pulls her back as well as grabbing my T-shirt so I stumble back a little. Michelle, runs up and smashes him on the head as he tries for Sayed again, she hits again and again until he’s still. We all stand still for a moment then Tash runs to Sayed. He panting and convulsing, his body jerks and weird ways. 

“Thats what he did” curtis says “Before he died” Michelle, not affected at all, pulls the body to the side a little to give more room to bring everyone into the centre of the room. Then suddenly Sayed stops, and looks at Tash. 

“I can’t feel a pulse” She says suddenly. She clings to his body as his eyes go out, instinctively I find Hayley’s hand and like a bear trap she clung to mine. Tash sobbed and the noises of her pain, her grief, shook through me, they were long high wails, screams begging for him to come back. I looked over and saw, the dead handyman next to a silent TV, the picture was on but in the corner I could see the mute symbol. On it was a channel from somewhere in america, a  big city but I couldn't tell which one. The feed said live and there was a camera looking down at a street that’s in utter chaos. At one end was a police blockade, well a firing squad more like, they were firing into a crowd that was coming towards them, every now and then someone in the crowd went down but not as often as you’d have thought. 

“Is that a movie of summit?” Hayley asks quietly, Tash is sobbing slowly besides the body. I quickly go and change the channel, it has a similar scene, only in a big square with religious looking statues. And on the next channel and the next. After about ten I come to a channel where there are people sitting around and talking but the chaotic scene’s are on a screen in the background. I un-mute it, there a women speaking with a fast and urgent voice, like there being timed. 

“…So far it seems russia appears uninfected due to it’s line of defence but with chases being reported in china it seems that just protecting themselves from Europe isn’t enough”  I don't understand what’s going on, what she’s on about sounds like a virus but the scenes look like war. Another man picks up, he is more reserved, and calm.  

“What not many people are thinking about is the fact that there could still be people in there, we think that we’re saving ourselves but at what cost, the change might be reversible” The third and final man interrupts him. 

“Theses people have died, do you know a way to reverse death?” Theres a silence in the room. And then it all snaps into place in my head, the infected, the dead, the handyman, the bite mark. I look at Hayley and I can see she’s come to the same conclusion I have. 

“Tash get away from him” She shouts quickly. But it to late, I dash round the sofa to see the scene unfold. Both Tash and Michelle are leading over him, his eyes staring back into there’s. Then he lurches for them quickly taking a chunk out of Michelle’s neck, and then bites Tash’s hand thats on his side. The look in his eyes is the same as the handyman’s. Curtis runs quickly stomps on Sayed head, bashing in his skull and then his brain, he stomps again and again. Hayley skirts round the room towards where Michelle has keeled over. 

“NO!!” I shout at her. “DONT GO NEAR HER” she stops as so does everything. Sayed lays still again on the floor, a small pool of blood now surrounding him. Curtis ignores me and clutches his Girlfriend’s neck, she can’t even scream, or yell in pain. Tash has somehow got to the other side of the room, she’s looking at her bite mark in fear. 

“Do you understand” Hayley asks her, and she nods. 

“Im so sorry, so so sorry” I tell her. She smiles. 

“It’s OK, we’ll be together again” She says, almost with euphoria, like she’s won this. She’s look at Sayed body, or what she can see of it where she’s standing. I nod and look to Curtis, he’s holding Michelle close to his chest and I can see he hasn’t been paying attention to a word we’ve said. How long does it take for them to come back, only a few minuets at most. 

“Curtis get away from…” Hayley’s cut of by the yell that comes from him. She’s gone straight for the neck like before, it was so swift so fast. She looked at him for just a spilt second, with hunger and longing but then she lurched for him. But unlike before she doesn’t let up, we don't have to run although Hayley dashes for me and stops me going over to him. She rips parts of his neck out and he tries to fight her of trying crawling along the floor to get away from her, but she rip's into other parts of his body, his chest his legs his back. Tash suddenly runs for the door, she looks like she’s going to be sick. But she turns and yells at us. 

“Im going to get as far away as possible to I'm not near you when I…” She looks at Michelle, who’s now looking up at us, curtis is scratching at the floor with his free hand. Me and Hayley slowly back away, but she doesn't take this caution into consideration. Michelle stands blood dripping from her mouth and neck and frantically she runs at us. Hayley pulls me through the door we’ve back out way to. And quickly shuts and locks it, I pull the desk over which still has Tash’s work on, I ram it against the door and then sit under it to put more weight on, Hayley joins me, and we breath. 

Hours later, when there are two more out there, when Tash died and came back and Curtis gave up and came back we’re still here. Sitting under the desk, the adrenaline and rush has worn of and everything, the sea water, the horrors, the dead. It’s all taken it’s toll. Dawn’s breaking when I finally come to my sense and decide there’s a way out, an obvious one, it’ll save her, me however, that might go either way. 

“Get up” I say softly to Hayley. She does, and we stand, the doors gonna hold for a while, by the looks of it so I don't think we have to worry about it. “Right Im going out the window” she nods “What I want you to do is stay her and keep tapping the door, it’ll keep them here. If you think it’s gonna go just climb out to, thank god we didn't decide to take the two story place on that other island” I say as an after thought “Im going to go round and shut the door, they’ll be locked in then and there’s no other way out for them and I don't think there clever enough to open doors of windows but I’ll lock them to be sure. When I come back we can take the boat and get off this island” she looks at me with a face I can’t describe. 

“I don't like this Tom” she finally says, but she knows it’s the only way. “Can’t we both just run for the boat?” I shake my head. 

“If they see us and we can’t start the boat or get away fast enough…” She reaches out for me, put her hand on my necks and presses her lips against mine, she lingers for just a moment then, pulls down and presses her forehead against mine. “I promise I’ll try not to die” I say with a hint of a smile. This reassures her, and as I open the window she starts tapping the door, they go into a spiral of rage. 

“If they break through go straight for the boat, I’ll try and get to you, but if not…” There’s a strength in her now, like when she stopped me helping curtis. I smile at her, well force a smile, and I'm out the window. Dawn is just breaking, and I go around the building. I close all the windows first, quietly locking them from the outside. Then I make my way round the the front, I snap a branch from one of the trees and freeze, bloods pounding in my ears and I hope to god it was quieter than it sounded. After a very long minuet I decide it’s fine and I make my way onto the sand. I edge along the side, and then I come to the doors. There are two sets, for one frame, a glass pair that hangs outwards and a wood one that looks strong but hangs inwards. I nudge my head round a tiny bit and see them. The three undead banging on the door and wall next to it, I can just here Hayley attracting there attention. I see the key in the wooden door, it’s on the outside so there is no need for me to have to go to far in. A stroke of luck. I phyc myself up, but then think the door could give and Hayley could die, so without thinking, in one swift movement I shut the first door, the banging stops they turn, I shut the other, they run, I fumble the key, they hit just as the looks clicks to tell me it’s shut. 

I Breath and then lock the glass doors for good measure. Something taps me on the shoulder and I turn and trip over, it’s Hayley. 

“Sorry I new you were done when they stopped so I” She help at a hand and I got up and embrace her. “Just the rest of the world now eh” I laugh. 

“Just the rest of the world” We grab each others hands and walk now towards the boat. Who would ever have thought we would be so happy to escape paradise. 

No Better Feeling

It only seems to come around once in a while but I'm in a state of what seems to be perfect happiness and I think i've found out the formula for it. Cause today if anyone saw me they would have seen I was a right misery, using one word sentences and what not and it's not cause of one thing but tons of little thing. Had some attention seeker making me feel like shit, felt like I wasn't smart enough for school and that I was gonna fail everything, it was tipping it down with rain and I had a paper round to do and all theses things just piled up and I felt like crap. But if it had just been one of those, I doubt I would have been anything like I was today. 

So how did I get out this stupid mood? Well I didn't really do anything, life just sorted itself out and tons of little things made me feel better. I got all my homework done before eight o'clock, my favourite song got voted to become song of the year by iTunes and me and my mums combine forces stopped certain people getting on my profile. Plus one of my favourite sitcoms is on tonight and tomorrows friday which is only the best day of the school week. So in short it's not one things that changes your mood, it's loads of things, loads of little things. When I worked this out all I wanted to do was blog it.  

Sorry to anyone who wants the next zombie diaries by the way, haven't even started it yet so you've got a bit of wait. And to those who keep mentioning it, yes I know I have terrible grammar but I'm woking on it. And hope this isn't a problem for those who say I talk about myself to much. 

The Zombie Diaries - Part 3 - Beaches and Bite Marks

We sit under the desk that’s barricading the locked door, my arms clutching Hayley, she’s rocking backwards and forwards slowly but she’s gradually getting faster and faster. Tears have stained her make up and there’s a dark line along her face, running down her round checks and then stopping at her chin where the tear had dropped of. Her blue eyes are blood shot from the sting of sea water and blood has stained her wavy blond hair, it’s still trickling down the back of her neck. We hear a scrapping at the door and then a long grunt. Hayley buries her face in my chest and I rest my chin on top of her head. Not long ago we we’re all so happy, everything was right with the world, as apposed to now, now it’s the exact opposite. Something tries to push the door as she sobs but the lock on the door holds. When I listen and when what’s out there is quiet and there dead silence I can hear the waves still crashing into the beach. The smell of the sea is now mixed with the smell of blood but I can still remember the sand between my toes and the sunlight caressing my skin, the sound of laughter fills my ears like the world isn't upside down anymore. 

Two Days Earlier 

The waking moment can go one way or the other, theres no grey area in my mind, you either feel really good or really bad. Really bad is when you wake up to the sound of an alarm and feel like the day ahead will kill you, really good is the sound of crashing waves in the distance, you’re curled up in fresh white sheets that feel cool next to the heat of the rest of the room. In the distance someone is cooking and I realize it the enticing smell of bacon thats woken me, I imagine it sizzling away and I wonder who’s cooking. I stretch out my legs and they brush against someone else’s, I’d almost forgot about Hayley was here with me and I roll over to see her sleeping softly. I stop for a moment and listen the her breathing, my face next to her I can just feel her breath on my face. I watch a beam of light cross her until it hits her eyes and she blinks awake, she scowls at me for watching her sleep then sinks back down. Her hairs a mess and she’d say she was looking her worst right now but to me she’s the most attractive person on the planet. 

“Hey lover birds” a teasing voice says. And I roll over and sit up so fast the rush of blood makes me slump back down.

It’s Curtis, my oldest friend, who carries a tray and I know without looking there’s bacon on it, I know he must want something if he’s cooking for other people and I look at him with suspicious eyes. The moment he puts the tray down however Hayley pounces on it, takes a gulp of coffee followed quickly by orange as it burt her mouth, she's shoveling egg by the time i’ve even started. 

“So what have you done, or what do you want?” I asked and he perches on the end of our bed and gives us his best, sweet as sugar look, but that look hasn't worked since school on anyone, and not since we were a single digit age for me. 

“I overloaded the power in the lounge or summit, well nothing in there is working anyway” Hayley gives a stifled laugh through her food and then swallows. 

“So what do you want us to do about it?” she says as I start my toast. “We made a pact not to leave this island in a month” he nodded, he must be feeling properly guilty. 

“We can still phone over and get help or is that breaking the rules?” he says slightly relived, why we we’re the ones he came to first is beyond me, are we the most authoritative or something? 

“It’s fine by me but run it past the rest of us, we’ve been what, six days now without TV I'm sure they’ll start going mad if we hit a week” he hinted at a smile and left the room.

On this island were six of us, or three couples, me and Hayley, curtis and Michelle and Sayed and Tash, short for Natasha obviously. The girls barley know each other and I can’t quiet tell who likes who between them but us guys have all known each other for years. The only reason we actually got out here to this paradise was because Curtis won £100,000 in a lottery and as well as paying his university fees he payed for all of us to come over here. We’d all protested at first but eventually through some form of blackmail of persuasion he got us over here. Him and his Girlfriend were only just together a few months when he won and I have a feeling she’s clinging to him now, she’s taller than him stereotypically beautiful with blond hair and everything that goes in hand with that. To me she holds nothing on Hayley of course, curtis has a thing about getting with the wrong girls in my mind, but he’s been with worse. 

Sayed and Tash however are engaged, which came as no surprise to us as they’re both muslim and Sayed is very strict, lets just say they sleep in separate beds and leave it at that. Tash isn’t however, she doesn't wear a headscarf and curtis swore he saw her eating bacon once. She is however an amazing person and I couldn't be happier for Sayed, she challenges him on brains having met him on the same dentistry course and made us all actually want to be her best friend after meeting her, we were so weirded to how Sayed got a girl this good. Me and Hayley got the impression though that Michelle and Tash don’t get on to well, and the four of us often left curtis and her to there own devices. 

As me and Hayley finish our coffee we eye the bathroom door over our mugs. She took a final gulp and rushes in just as I leap up. The smell of sea salt is hard to get out now but the girls still try every morning. 

I sauterne into the lounge and find the guys in the same, everyday, situation. We all smirke and debate who was the worse for taking the longest. This being a luxury place we all have our own shower, well one per couple. Curtis had phoned someone and he is coming over, apparently he’d said summit about a fuse, but I knew nothing about that stuff, would be good if school prepared you for stuff like this.Curtis wins and Hayley comes out first, followed closely by Tash, none of us are surprised that Michelle is last. After we’re all showered, fed by curtis and clothed we take to the beach. 

It still startles me everyday, not the actual place cause i’ve seen places like this in picture and stuff but the idea that i’m here standing in front of it. Ocean spread out in front of us nothing on the horizon apart from a tiny island. Thats are link to the rest of humanity, we’d been brought from there and then from there you go to the mainland. For some reason I felt like a pirate when I used words like that. The island we’re on is about five kilometers in circumference we’d walked it once and camped on the other side another time, there are so many more stars out here, you wonder why people don't appreciate the small things like that and block them out in big cites. Every morning I just take a step onto the sand then back again, looking at my impression, I never thought i’d make an impression on a place like this. The sand here is perfect, just the right shade of white, but not white the lightest shade of yellow. The ocean is the perfect shade of blue, I mean real blue, I don’t think i’d ever saw an ocean that is actually blue before, it was grey or a darker shade of blue. The small bit of jungle on either side of me provides a backdrop to it all this, this little slice of perfection. 

As we walk out onto the beach however our perfection is interrupted by the sound of humanity, there’s a boat on it’s way over to us, curtis’s look of guilt is back on and we all shot him a, you deal with it, look. 

“Tom you know what I'm like explaining things...” his tone makes me feel sorry for his guilt. 

“Don't let him win Tom” Tash says quickly, there’s a running thing with all of us that I give in to easy to Curtis, which is probably true. 

“Yeah don't let him guilt trip you” Sayed added. I looked into curtis’s puppy dog eyes and sigh. 

“I’ll just talk to him on the beach” I said but they all have there own personal noise of disapproval, apart from curtis of course who has a sudden look of relief. We walk up to about where the boat looks like it might land and I greeted the handyman and something about him makes me recoil at once. He has olive skin and I think he might have been the one that brought us over here but none of that bothers me, what bothers me is the fact that he looks like he had a fever and on his upper arm is a bite mark. A human bite mark, the drops of blood glistening in the bright sunlight. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Zombie Diaries - Part 2 - Vivisection

I new when I got here that I wouldn't be leaving, ever probably. When the plague struck I was almost killed in the first hours. As you can imagine working in a morgue and doing dissections didn't put my odds in any sort of good place. I still remember the flesh moving in my hands and the shock it sent though ever part of me, my judgement just couldn't understand what was happening.
In my work I take things at face value, if theres a bullet wound in someone they we're shot, if there's a massive growth they died of cancer and if they're dead they're dead. The eyes don't start to stare at you again and live, no hunger, doesn't grow back into the eyes and the arms don't reach out for you. I've often wondered if they mean to reach out to hurt you or if they're just sacred, scared of being dead? But my only instinct was to run and lock him in. It wasn't long till the military we're on the scene, they took me, not by force but they took me to where I am now. It's some sort of compound designed for a situation like this. We're very far underground by my reckoning, I know for a fact that the prime minister is someone down here as well as what part of the royal family we're in london.
What they want'd me to do isn't something I agreed with, it's not right in my mind, I remember the conversation they had with me when they asked me to do it, the worst conversation of my life:

The white brick walls and polished metal table seemed to stare at me, like I was in the room with them and not the other way around. I was waiting to be given some sort of task that would keep me in this safe place for now, I knew I'd bought my way here by being a doctor and that I was needed for something but I didn't exactly know what. Maybe they just want me to keep everyone healthy, I thought innocently but I knew that it was something more sinister, something that was much more out of the ordinary, but what part of any of this is ordinary. The door suddenly opened making me jump, but then everything seems to make me jump nowadays. The man that had walked in was about twice me age, in his mid fifty's  with an army style haircut, and a standard green uniform that i'd been seeing everywhere.
"So you're the Doctor that we nabbed ah" I new this man, he was the chief of this whole operation.
"I guess I am" I said quietly, it was like being back at school and talking to the head teacher.
"Excellent, well I'll get straight to the point then shall I, this epidemic that's going on, we need your help" I nodded looking at him inquisitively "You know how all this works right? The virus, the dead, the killing?"
"I've been briefed on everything that's going on, do you know how far spread it is yet?"
"We've heard of reports in most of the Uk but london is still the only place overrun by the dead" For an army man he seem rather human, his voice made you want to talk, want to do well for him.
"What about over sea's" he sighed.
"In europe it's widespread as far as italy but not chaos like up there" He pointed to the ceiling. "There was a chase in just now of a man dying in New-york then coming back, someone told me they've started shooting people in the head after they've died over there just to be sure"
"What about New Zealand, my family are over there, my mum and dad, is there anything there?' he shook his head and a faint glimmer of hope lit up inside me.
"This is chaotic as you know, and we need to find a cure to this virus" did he not know I couldn't do that.
"Thats not what I do, I cut apart bodies"
"Yes we know, we want you to do that on one of those err things" I retracted slightly "Don't worry it'll be very safe, you'll be fine" it was my turn to smile at his assumption I was scared of catching it.
"That's not my concern, don't you think there's a person in there?" he looked at me in puzzlement, eyes asking for just a brief moment whether I was mad.
"NO" He spat "They're nothing but instinct and savage, there's nothing human in there" I nodded at his view. "But you'll do it won't you?"
"Sure anyway I can help" he looked pleased and I was glad to have my suspicions confirmed.
"Dissection's at five" he said and began to leave.
"Vivisection" I corrected and he stopped and turned.
"What"
"Well if the thing is still alive, human or not, it's a vivisection" I said calmly. He raised his eyebrows.
"Well there you go my word for the day, vivisection" he turned and left.

I would have never known at the time but that was something that would haunt me forever. His offhanded approach to this whole situation, like it happened every fortnight. I hadn't been given much time to think about what I was doing so I didn't, I spent the few hours i'd been given trying to make sure I remember to do everything right, the cut's the samples make sure I get everything I need. But I was thinking that it was just some sort of standard everyday task i'd been doing, it was anything but:

I arrived at elevator at five to five, something my mum taught me. There was a different person waiting to greet me, a officer called Watson, first names seem unheard of down here. He greeted me and we went into the lift. He looked younger than me, and looked nervous.
"You alright?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Never seen one before" he said quickly, and I wondered how with london how it is.
When we got to the room there we're just military there, all making sure I would not get killed but I wasn't really worried about that. My subject was on the table making grunting sounds but the way it was restrained meant it couldn't move one little bit. I turned to Watson.
"Could we get some Jazz music in here, I'm used to working with that and it would drown out the... well whatever you want to call it" He stared right passed me for a second then nodded and asked someone to get me what I wanted. Ten minuets later they came in with an iPod doc and my iPod, I didn't approve of them going into my room but at least they had got it, and it was there room really. Tony Bennett's Duet album from 2011 caught me attention and I set the volume to a level that filled the little room with life. My hands worked over the infected woman, looking for sighs that there was some sort of parasite but I found none, I could tell she was a smoker and had had kids but nothing that would explain why she came back to life or what killed her in the first place. What I had found was that her organs never restarted when she was resurrected. When things came to a close and I couldn't do anymore I went round to the head for the first time, making the soldiers uneasy. I looked into her eyes, they looked at me with anger, hatred and starvation. The music stops and Watson walks over.
"Are you done"
"Yes i've got everything I can" he nods and takes out his pistol and holds it to the woman's head. And for a moment, the smallest amount of time you can think of, she looks at me in distress, before having her head blown off. You'd think a gunshot would register as being loud but what I register is the sighs of relief coming from the men.

In my mind what I did to that woman was wrong, she was in there, and I cut her open.

One month later it's confirmed New Zealand is overrun.

I feel the rope in my hands, a hangman's knot was something I was always good at when I was in scots and now I realise that it was leading to this point in my life. The world as we knew it is gone now, only chaos and hunger are above ground. I remember hearing that america had fell, china turned into hell the russian front was falling back and that India had been overrun in five days. So you can't fault my decision to take my own life. I know I'm no use to finding a cure anymore, I made sure I did everything I could. Goodbye and Good luck.

Stephen Jenner

The Zombie Diaries - Part 1 – Outbreak

Day 1 – September 11 2014 - First Case 

The following is a transcript of a recorded message that was found in the ruins of the London, at the emergency services response department –

“999 what’s your emergency?”

Panicked voice “My friend, she’s gone crazy, I thought she was dead, oh god she trying to get in”

“Try to stay calm, where are you?”

“66 shutter close, you need to…” Screams heard followed by chaotic sounds.

“Hello, what’s happening? Help is on the way... can you answer” The sound of an animal tearing at flesh can be heard. 

Day 2 - September 12 2014 - Going Public 

The next item is a transcript of a news report found in the BBC london headquarters - 

"...Yesterday at around 9pm two police officers were brutally attacked by a woman in her mid twenties in east london, one of the officers was fatally wounded while the other has been taken to hospital. Another victim of these attacks was Lois Watson, a friend of the woman who's identity is still to be determined" 

"The woman in question who was later shot after biting and injuring several people and refusing to let her victims go. We now go live to the hospital where the injured officer is been treated, can you tell us anymore about the mans condition?" Cut's to hospital.

"Well we've had word from doctors that he's in a critical condition and apparently fighting of some sort of infection, we've also heard that other people who were attacked by the same person who attacked the police are coming down with something that doctors can't identify" 

After this it appears the digital copy has been corrupted. 

Day 3 - September 13 2014 - The ensuing chaos 

We have hear, statements from londoners that were evacuated and taken to the refugee camp to the north of london, the camp has since been overrun by the infected and the refugees either scattered or where infected and turned, these statements outline the first stages of mass infection in london. 

Joan rivers: 

I lived wembley and didn't experience any of the initial chaos as the infection started somewhere in the east. The news said that there we're riots and that there we're cases of people who had been proclaimed dead waking back up and attacking anything that moved. I got a phone call from my mum, who lives in scotland, and she told me I should get out of london which is what I tried to do. But the M1 was deadlocked and people we're abandoning there cars and walking down the motorway, it was then that I came into contact with a, well it was a person but they'd been infected and they we're out of control. After he, it attacked, everyone began to panic and run, I saw more and more of the infected then but i just kept on running, i'd never been so scared in my life. I heard talk of a camp for people trying to get out of london. I thought it was mad at first, like something out of a third world country. And that's how I ended up here after hitching a ride with a hijacked car and going along the side roads.  

Peter grant: 

It all went from nothing to chaos so fast, I had to take of in the night with my kids cause I didn't want to stay in london in case something happened to them, i'd seen those things chasing people down my street. So I took them out the back through the ally's and we got to the train station. But nothing was working so we ended up just walking down the line, we stayed in an abandoned house for a few days, but I saw the infected looking for anything living from the windows. We stayed until a military van drove past and I begged them to take me and my kids out which they did.