Pressing the pause button

So it's the end of october and I thought it would be a good time to look back and everything that has happened recently. I want to say my life has been like a roller coaster but that image never made sense to me cause people talk about the downs being bad but there the funnest part of any roller coaster. But my life is just as mad I guess nowadays.

Life seems to be throwing stuff at me faster than I can catch nowadays and I'm trying to juggle while a catch and then if i drop something it's like i get thrown to extra things to add to the mass I'm already holding. In reality I wish it was a juggling act cause that would make things so much easier. Another thing I have found myself doing a lot nowadays is having to cut the crap in my life, it seems harsh but that what it's like nowadays. I mean it's the simpler things really in life that are gone now, I can't sit down to TV with the intention of watching anything i can find got to use that time more wisely.

So something else that's changing lately is friendships, everyone else I know has a life thats constantly changing and there are people I see today that I might never see again. But then I have to look at people sometimes and wonder why I'm friends with them. Maybe I'm just being kinda business like but sometimes once a person is out of your life it becomes so much better, but at least i hope i make the right decision on people.

So I've been writing a lot lately but nothing seems any good, but I'm hoping to have a post ready soon that's descriptive and stuff. But also wanna start doing other stuff on here like photography and stuff, thats why I made the bucket list tab cause its different. Anyway watch this space people cause stuff is happening.

Life in motion

life seems to be in fast forward again. Things have been changing for a while now but now we seem to be back to the fast past routine that goes, week, weekend. I know everyday is different but it feels like thats all life is a the moment. Someone hit the pause button just for a second cause I need to catch my breath. While I'm getting lost in my life's plot everyone else seems to be doing better than me, like I'm a chapter behind, which I currently am in english, more than a chapter.

Sometimes I look around and wonder what I'm doing, like I'm out of place and all this wrong. Sometimes I wonder how I got this life, why I am who I am but then I smile at the cinema tickets on my wall or at an old book I read years ago. These things seems to be the fabric of my existence cause I know it's what makes me up.

I remember the reason I started writing, not the one I tell people now, it was because I was asked what I wanted to be, and I thought and said a writer. That was it, I hadn't wrote a word before that but when I was asked and I answered I new what I said was actually true. But now I realise that it's true because i've always had stories in my head. I would sit and daydream about superheroes in primary school, I spent most of maths today imagining what would happen if there was a zombie outbreak at the school and who i'd be whiling to kill. And I could link everything from my book to something i've once daydreamed about. Which is now at 41,720 words by the way.

Life seems to be in motion. Not just from event to event but the way we think. I go from subject to subject without think and pour it all into this when I can. If life wasn't in motion we'd all be soulless.

Not quite sure...

So I did have a big descriptive piece for you all, but, I'm putting that of for one of those about me. Yeah cause I know everyone loved "keeping you cool" but I do feel like writing whats on my mind so I'm going to. Not sure where to start now.

Sometimes life seems like a giant maze, people spend time deciding whether to go right or left of forward or whatever but most of the time I just want to climb over the walls. Anyone who know's me might say thats I'm just trying not to be mainstream or not follow the crowds. But really what I'm trying to say is that I want a better outlook on life, if i climb to the top of the wall will I be able to see what I want in life, be it taking maths at school or deciding what people I like and I want to hang with. And if life was a maze what would be at the end? I know I write about death, or the absence of death, a lot but that can't be what we're all working towards. Whats my goal, whats at the end of my maze cause i've got to go through a whole new maze to work that out.

Not know what I want and thats the worst thing about life at the moment, don't know where I'm going to be in one year, five years or twenty years and that scares me. But then again I look at that amount of time and smile, think about it as an empty canvas that I'm going to throw my life at and the see how it looks and then I don't want to know how things are going to end up cause I can't wait to start painting.

Nights colours

They say that nights black but I disagree, the night isn’t black, when I look out of my window the night looks orange. Like the sky as absorbed some of the sunlight and is letting us have in back through the darkest part the human ritual. Really it’s just due to the mass amount of orange streetlights that cast the clouds orange. Elsewhere though human passion burns red during the night, hands run across bodies and spark fires so old they’re new. In those tucked away places the night flashes all colors as hands hit the air and euphoria starts to develop and the music hits your ears and makes the soul dance. But then for some the night is cold and blue, sheets occupied but eyes still open as wells overflow and let out the minds anguish. You look up as bird’s circle and open your eyes not to find the sun is back but the night is gone, never mourned or missed. We start to see more color but what we feel isn’t less intense and we don’t feel any less emotion, the night leaves space for things to shine through the absence of light. For the earth keeps turning and soon light will abandon us again.