Buying Time

So people say that you can’t make time, or theres not enough time in the world. Well I have to strongly disagree cause there are so many things in the world that give you more  time: 

You can wake up quicker in the morning with coffee, by a faster car to get you places quicker, or get a faster train in the morning, the trains in Japan run by the second, work on the journey there and back to save yourself time. Downloads are the biggest example I see all around me nowadays, constantly advertisers are going on about faster speeds and the whole notion is amazing to me, back in yesteryear you would have to go out and buy music, take the bus into town and get a CD from a store, now all you have to do is press a button on iTunes and music is within your reach almost instantly. The same goes for DVDs, Games, Movies, Apps that are now all online. And who needs to go out shopping when you can get almost anything on Amazon and have it delivered. 

You don’t even have to go out and do the weekly shop anymore, stores deliver for you and all you had to was click what you want on some website. Instant messaging, movies on demand, catch up services, all of these things scream about how much time is saved if you think about it, you don't have to go out of your way to watch something on Tv when it’s on cause it’s online straight away. Fast food, instant meals, ready made, way back when you’d have to actually put thought into making food, make it from scratch, but nowadays it comes to you packaged and ready for consumption after fifteen minuets in a microwave. Just think about what machines do to things like factories and farms. They save time and money by making products and growing food quicker but they cut jobs in the process. 

Now i’m not against most of this stuff, well not really, but what I am against is the people who say they don't have time for the important things or say they need more time cause society today  is always creating time, for it to be only filled with something else, however society makes you pay for all those extra hours you’ve acquired through whatever means. Like sure you can get food shopping delivered to your house, but at a cost, those quicker internet speeds come with a price tag on them. But things like ready made meals may be cheaper but you can bet home made stuff would be better for you. 

So this is to all those people that say you can’t buy time, because I think it’s pretty clear that you can.  

A Little Something

Perfection is in your face, and when I first saw it my eyes didn’t know how to pull themselves away from it, but my brain had more sense and I kept on going just kept on walking. But then time went by and I saw more and more of you, just glimpses of your life is all, the laughter I heard when I walked past you, or the places I see you most. I counted the times I saw you in a week and waited to see you in the same place I’d saw you one week ago. But now I know your leaving my life, and I know I could never look upon perfection again, but I just keep on walking, tears internally soaking my heart, afraid to forget not afraid to lose.

Just a small extract from one of my story's, thought I'd share it but not sure how good it is.

The Zombie Diaries - Part 4 - When Hell Meets Heaven

I stare at the bite mark. But Curtis just starts walking him towards the bungalow. 

“How did you get that” I ask and point at the mark. 

“Oh strange story” He has an unexpected american accent “When I was on my way here and about to set of this crazy women ran up and jumped in the boat, she bite me, hurts like Hell, but I pushed her into the water and high tailed it out of there” I raise my eyebrows. 

“Were you ill before then?” I ask. And he looks at me quizzically, the shakes his head. I leave at that and join the others. The day goes by as normal, we swim and the girls soak up the sun. When me Hayley and Tash are in the water at about five in the afternoon, curtis runs out to us, he looks panicked. I see him talk with Sayed and Michelle, they beckon is in. 

“Whats wrong?” Tash asked with a laugh, as if this is typical of him. 

“Curtis says he died” Sayed Michelle. I recoil and the girls stop drying themselves and look at him. 

“But how” I ask. He shakes his head. Hayley puts her hand on his shoulder, and he looks up at her. Michelle's eyes flare for a second. 

“It’s ok, maybe he’s out cold or summit, the heat could of made him faint” He shakes his head again. At that we quickly dress and get back there. As we walk in we see him standing, he looks at us with a sort of animal like interest. Sayed and Tash are at the front of the group and they both laugh. 

“See he’s fine, melodramatic much” Sayed says. Just then he launches for us, at Tash, but as if it were a knee jerk reaction Sayed steps in front of her and pushes her back, Michelle catches her easily. Sayed and, well whatever his name is, end up on the floor, theres a grunting sounds coming from the handyman. And it looked like he bites Sayed chest. We all react in different ways, Hayley kicks the man, with a considerable amount of force, and he rolls of Sayed. Michelle runs inside and grabs and hammer out of his tool box, curtis grabs Tash and pulls her back as well as grabbing my T-shirt so I stumble back a little. Michelle, runs up and smashes him on the head as he tries for Sayed again, she hits again and again until he’s still. We all stand still for a moment then Tash runs to Sayed. He panting and convulsing, his body jerks and weird ways. 

“Thats what he did” curtis says “Before he died” Michelle, not affected at all, pulls the body to the side a little to give more room to bring everyone into the centre of the room. Then suddenly Sayed stops, and looks at Tash. 

“I can’t feel a pulse” She says suddenly. She clings to his body as his eyes go out, instinctively I find Hayley’s hand and like a bear trap she clung to mine. Tash sobbed and the noises of her pain, her grief, shook through me, they were long high wails, screams begging for him to come back. I looked over and saw, the dead handyman next to a silent TV, the picture was on but in the corner I could see the mute symbol. On it was a channel from somewhere in america, a  big city but I couldn't tell which one. The feed said live and there was a camera looking down at a street that’s in utter chaos. At one end was a police blockade, well a firing squad more like, they were firing into a crowd that was coming towards them, every now and then someone in the crowd went down but not as often as you’d have thought. 

“Is that a movie of summit?” Hayley asks quietly, Tash is sobbing slowly besides the body. I quickly go and change the channel, it has a similar scene, only in a big square with religious looking statues. And on the next channel and the next. After about ten I come to a channel where there are people sitting around and talking but the chaotic scene’s are on a screen in the background. I un-mute it, there a women speaking with a fast and urgent voice, like there being timed. 

“…So far it seems russia appears uninfected due to it’s line of defence but with chases being reported in china it seems that just protecting themselves from Europe isn’t enough”  I don't understand what’s going on, what she’s on about sounds like a virus but the scenes look like war. Another man picks up, he is more reserved, and calm.  

“What not many people are thinking about is the fact that there could still be people in there, we think that we’re saving ourselves but at what cost, the change might be reversible” The third and final man interrupts him. 

“Theses people have died, do you know a way to reverse death?” Theres a silence in the room. And then it all snaps into place in my head, the infected, the dead, the handyman, the bite mark. I look at Hayley and I can see she’s come to the same conclusion I have. 

“Tash get away from him” She shouts quickly. But it to late, I dash round the sofa to see the scene unfold. Both Tash and Michelle are leading over him, his eyes staring back into there’s. Then he lurches for them quickly taking a chunk out of Michelle’s neck, and then bites Tash’s hand thats on his side. The look in his eyes is the same as the handyman’s. Curtis runs quickly stomps on Sayed head, bashing in his skull and then his brain, he stomps again and again. Hayley skirts round the room towards where Michelle has keeled over. 

“NO!!” I shout at her. “DONT GO NEAR HER” she stops as so does everything. Sayed lays still again on the floor, a small pool of blood now surrounding him. Curtis ignores me and clutches his Girlfriend’s neck, she can’t even scream, or yell in pain. Tash has somehow got to the other side of the room, she’s looking at her bite mark in fear. 

“Do you understand” Hayley asks her, and she nods. 

“Im so sorry, so so sorry” I tell her. She smiles. 

“It’s OK, we’ll be together again” She says, almost with euphoria, like she’s won this. She’s look at Sayed body, or what she can see of it where she’s standing. I nod and look to Curtis, he’s holding Michelle close to his chest and I can see he hasn’t been paying attention to a word we’ve said. How long does it take for them to come back, only a few minuets at most. 

“Curtis get away from…” Hayley’s cut of by the yell that comes from him. She’s gone straight for the neck like before, it was so swift so fast. She looked at him for just a spilt second, with hunger and longing but then she lurched for him. But unlike before she doesn’t let up, we don't have to run although Hayley dashes for me and stops me going over to him. She rips parts of his neck out and he tries to fight her of trying crawling along the floor to get away from her, but she rip's into other parts of his body, his chest his legs his back. Tash suddenly runs for the door, she looks like she’s going to be sick. But she turns and yells at us. 

“Im going to get as far away as possible to I'm not near you when I…” She looks at Michelle, who’s now looking up at us, curtis is scratching at the floor with his free hand. Me and Hayley slowly back away, but she doesn't take this caution into consideration. Michelle stands blood dripping from her mouth and neck and frantically she runs at us. Hayley pulls me through the door we’ve back out way to. And quickly shuts and locks it, I pull the desk over which still has Tash’s work on, I ram it against the door and then sit under it to put more weight on, Hayley joins me, and we breath. 

Hours later, when there are two more out there, when Tash died and came back and Curtis gave up and came back we’re still here. Sitting under the desk, the adrenaline and rush has worn of and everything, the sea water, the horrors, the dead. It’s all taken it’s toll. Dawn’s breaking when I finally come to my sense and decide there’s a way out, an obvious one, it’ll save her, me however, that might go either way. 

“Get up” I say softly to Hayley. She does, and we stand, the doors gonna hold for a while, by the looks of it so I don't think we have to worry about it. “Right Im going out the window” she nods “What I want you to do is stay her and keep tapping the door, it’ll keep them here. If you think it’s gonna go just climb out to, thank god we didn't decide to take the two story place on that other island” I say as an after thought “Im going to go round and shut the door, they’ll be locked in then and there’s no other way out for them and I don't think there clever enough to open doors of windows but I’ll lock them to be sure. When I come back we can take the boat and get off this island” she looks at me with a face I can’t describe. 

“I don't like this Tom” she finally says, but she knows it’s the only way. “Can’t we both just run for the boat?” I shake my head. 

“If they see us and we can’t start the boat or get away fast enough…” She reaches out for me, put her hand on my necks and presses her lips against mine, she lingers for just a moment then, pulls down and presses her forehead against mine. “I promise I’ll try not to die” I say with a hint of a smile. This reassures her, and as I open the window she starts tapping the door, they go into a spiral of rage. 

“If they break through go straight for the boat, I’ll try and get to you, but if not…” There’s a strength in her now, like when she stopped me helping curtis. I smile at her, well force a smile, and I'm out the window. Dawn is just breaking, and I go around the building. I close all the windows first, quietly locking them from the outside. Then I make my way round the the front, I snap a branch from one of the trees and freeze, bloods pounding in my ears and I hope to god it was quieter than it sounded. After a very long minuet I decide it’s fine and I make my way onto the sand. I edge along the side, and then I come to the doors. There are two sets, for one frame, a glass pair that hangs outwards and a wood one that looks strong but hangs inwards. I nudge my head round a tiny bit and see them. The three undead banging on the door and wall next to it, I can just here Hayley attracting there attention. I see the key in the wooden door, it’s on the outside so there is no need for me to have to go to far in. A stroke of luck. I phyc myself up, but then think the door could give and Hayley could die, so without thinking, in one swift movement I shut the first door, the banging stops they turn, I shut the other, they run, I fumble the key, they hit just as the looks clicks to tell me it’s shut. 

I Breath and then lock the glass doors for good measure. Something taps me on the shoulder and I turn and trip over, it’s Hayley. 

“Sorry I new you were done when they stopped so I” She help at a hand and I got up and embrace her. “Just the rest of the world now eh” I laugh. 

“Just the rest of the world” We grab each others hands and walk now towards the boat. Who would ever have thought we would be so happy to escape paradise. 

No Better Feeling

It only seems to come around once in a while but I'm in a state of what seems to be perfect happiness and I think i've found out the formula for it. Cause today if anyone saw me they would have seen I was a right misery, using one word sentences and what not and it's not cause of one thing but tons of little thing. Had some attention seeker making me feel like shit, felt like I wasn't smart enough for school and that I was gonna fail everything, it was tipping it down with rain and I had a paper round to do and all theses things just piled up and I felt like crap. But if it had just been one of those, I doubt I would have been anything like I was today. 

So how did I get out this stupid mood? Well I didn't really do anything, life just sorted itself out and tons of little things made me feel better. I got all my homework done before eight o'clock, my favourite song got voted to become song of the year by iTunes and me and my mums combine forces stopped certain people getting on my profile. Plus one of my favourite sitcoms is on tonight and tomorrows friday which is only the best day of the school week. So in short it's not one things that changes your mood, it's loads of things, loads of little things. When I worked this out all I wanted to do was blog it.  

Sorry to anyone who wants the next zombie diaries by the way, haven't even started it yet so you've got a bit of wait. And to those who keep mentioning it, yes I know I have terrible grammar but I'm woking on it. And hope this isn't a problem for those who say I talk about myself to much. 

The Zombie Diaries - Part 3 - Beaches and Bite Marks

We sit under the desk that’s barricading the locked door, my arms clutching Hayley, she’s rocking backwards and forwards slowly but she’s gradually getting faster and faster. Tears have stained her make up and there’s a dark line along her face, running down her round checks and then stopping at her chin where the tear had dropped of. Her blue eyes are blood shot from the sting of sea water and blood has stained her wavy blond hair, it’s still trickling down the back of her neck. We hear a scrapping at the door and then a long grunt. Hayley buries her face in my chest and I rest my chin on top of her head. Not long ago we we’re all so happy, everything was right with the world, as apposed to now, now it’s the exact opposite. Something tries to push the door as she sobs but the lock on the door holds. When I listen and when what’s out there is quiet and there dead silence I can hear the waves still crashing into the beach. The smell of the sea is now mixed with the smell of blood but I can still remember the sand between my toes and the sunlight caressing my skin, the sound of laughter fills my ears like the world isn't upside down anymore. 

Two Days Earlier 

The waking moment can go one way or the other, theres no grey area in my mind, you either feel really good or really bad. Really bad is when you wake up to the sound of an alarm and feel like the day ahead will kill you, really good is the sound of crashing waves in the distance, you’re curled up in fresh white sheets that feel cool next to the heat of the rest of the room. In the distance someone is cooking and I realize it the enticing smell of bacon thats woken me, I imagine it sizzling away and I wonder who’s cooking. I stretch out my legs and they brush against someone else’s, I’d almost forgot about Hayley was here with me and I roll over to see her sleeping softly. I stop for a moment and listen the her breathing, my face next to her I can just feel her breath on my face. I watch a beam of light cross her until it hits her eyes and she blinks awake, she scowls at me for watching her sleep then sinks back down. Her hairs a mess and she’d say she was looking her worst right now but to me she’s the most attractive person on the planet. 

“Hey lover birds” a teasing voice says. And I roll over and sit up so fast the rush of blood makes me slump back down.

It’s Curtis, my oldest friend, who carries a tray and I know without looking there’s bacon on it, I know he must want something if he’s cooking for other people and I look at him with suspicious eyes. The moment he puts the tray down however Hayley pounces on it, takes a gulp of coffee followed quickly by orange as it burt her mouth, she's shoveling egg by the time i’ve even started. 

“So what have you done, or what do you want?” I asked and he perches on the end of our bed and gives us his best, sweet as sugar look, but that look hasn't worked since school on anyone, and not since we were a single digit age for me. 

“I overloaded the power in the lounge or summit, well nothing in there is working anyway” Hayley gives a stifled laugh through her food and then swallows. 

“So what do you want us to do about it?” she says as I start my toast. “We made a pact not to leave this island in a month” he nodded, he must be feeling properly guilty. 

“We can still phone over and get help or is that breaking the rules?” he says slightly relived, why we we’re the ones he came to first is beyond me, are we the most authoritative or something? 

“It’s fine by me but run it past the rest of us, we’ve been what, six days now without TV I'm sure they’ll start going mad if we hit a week” he hinted at a smile and left the room.

On this island were six of us, or three couples, me and Hayley, curtis and Michelle and Sayed and Tash, short for Natasha obviously. The girls barley know each other and I can’t quiet tell who likes who between them but us guys have all known each other for years. The only reason we actually got out here to this paradise was because Curtis won £100,000 in a lottery and as well as paying his university fees he payed for all of us to come over here. We’d all protested at first but eventually through some form of blackmail of persuasion he got us over here. Him and his Girlfriend were only just together a few months when he won and I have a feeling she’s clinging to him now, she’s taller than him stereotypically beautiful with blond hair and everything that goes in hand with that. To me she holds nothing on Hayley of course, curtis has a thing about getting with the wrong girls in my mind, but he’s been with worse. 

Sayed and Tash however are engaged, which came as no surprise to us as they’re both muslim and Sayed is very strict, lets just say they sleep in separate beds and leave it at that. Tash isn’t however, she doesn't wear a headscarf and curtis swore he saw her eating bacon once. She is however an amazing person and I couldn't be happier for Sayed, she challenges him on brains having met him on the same dentistry course and made us all actually want to be her best friend after meeting her, we were so weirded to how Sayed got a girl this good. Me and Hayley got the impression though that Michelle and Tash don’t get on to well, and the four of us often left curtis and her to there own devices. 

As me and Hayley finish our coffee we eye the bathroom door over our mugs. She took a final gulp and rushes in just as I leap up. The smell of sea salt is hard to get out now but the girls still try every morning. 

I sauterne into the lounge and find the guys in the same, everyday, situation. We all smirke and debate who was the worse for taking the longest. This being a luxury place we all have our own shower, well one per couple. Curtis had phoned someone and he is coming over, apparently he’d said summit about a fuse, but I knew nothing about that stuff, would be good if school prepared you for stuff like this.Curtis wins and Hayley comes out first, followed closely by Tash, none of us are surprised that Michelle is last. After we’re all showered, fed by curtis and clothed we take to the beach. 

It still startles me everyday, not the actual place cause i’ve seen places like this in picture and stuff but the idea that i’m here standing in front of it. Ocean spread out in front of us nothing on the horizon apart from a tiny island. Thats are link to the rest of humanity, we’d been brought from there and then from there you go to the mainland. For some reason I felt like a pirate when I used words like that. The island we’re on is about five kilometers in circumference we’d walked it once and camped on the other side another time, there are so many more stars out here, you wonder why people don't appreciate the small things like that and block them out in big cites. Every morning I just take a step onto the sand then back again, looking at my impression, I never thought i’d make an impression on a place like this. The sand here is perfect, just the right shade of white, but not white the lightest shade of yellow. The ocean is the perfect shade of blue, I mean real blue, I don’t think i’d ever saw an ocean that is actually blue before, it was grey or a darker shade of blue. The small bit of jungle on either side of me provides a backdrop to it all this, this little slice of perfection. 

As we walk out onto the beach however our perfection is interrupted by the sound of humanity, there’s a boat on it’s way over to us, curtis’s look of guilt is back on and we all shot him a, you deal with it, look. 

“Tom you know what I'm like explaining things...” his tone makes me feel sorry for his guilt. 

“Don't let him win Tom” Tash says quickly, there’s a running thing with all of us that I give in to easy to Curtis, which is probably true. 

“Yeah don't let him guilt trip you” Sayed added. I looked into curtis’s puppy dog eyes and sigh. 

“I’ll just talk to him on the beach” I said but they all have there own personal noise of disapproval, apart from curtis of course who has a sudden look of relief. We walk up to about where the boat looks like it might land and I greeted the handyman and something about him makes me recoil at once. He has olive skin and I think he might have been the one that brought us over here but none of that bothers me, what bothers me is the fact that he looks like he had a fever and on his upper arm is a bite mark. A human bite mark, the drops of blood glistening in the bright sunlight. 

TO BE CONTINUED...

The Zombie Diaries - Part 2 - Vivisection

I new when I got here that I wouldn't be leaving, ever probably. When the plague struck I was almost killed in the first hours. As you can imagine working in a morgue and doing dissections didn't put my odds in any sort of good place. I still remember the flesh moving in my hands and the shock it sent though ever part of me, my judgement just couldn't understand what was happening.
In my work I take things at face value, if theres a bullet wound in someone they we're shot, if there's a massive growth they died of cancer and if they're dead they're dead. The eyes don't start to stare at you again and live, no hunger, doesn't grow back into the eyes and the arms don't reach out for you. I've often wondered if they mean to reach out to hurt you or if they're just sacred, scared of being dead? But my only instinct was to run and lock him in. It wasn't long till the military we're on the scene, they took me, not by force but they took me to where I am now. It's some sort of compound designed for a situation like this. We're very far underground by my reckoning, I know for a fact that the prime minister is someone down here as well as what part of the royal family we're in london.
What they want'd me to do isn't something I agreed with, it's not right in my mind, I remember the conversation they had with me when they asked me to do it, the worst conversation of my life:

The white brick walls and polished metal table seemed to stare at me, like I was in the room with them and not the other way around. I was waiting to be given some sort of task that would keep me in this safe place for now, I knew I'd bought my way here by being a doctor and that I was needed for something but I didn't exactly know what. Maybe they just want me to keep everyone healthy, I thought innocently but I knew that it was something more sinister, something that was much more out of the ordinary, but what part of any of this is ordinary. The door suddenly opened making me jump, but then everything seems to make me jump nowadays. The man that had walked in was about twice me age, in his mid fifty's  with an army style haircut, and a standard green uniform that i'd been seeing everywhere.
"So you're the Doctor that we nabbed ah" I new this man, he was the chief of this whole operation.
"I guess I am" I said quietly, it was like being back at school and talking to the head teacher.
"Excellent, well I'll get straight to the point then shall I, this epidemic that's going on, we need your help" I nodded looking at him inquisitively "You know how all this works right? The virus, the dead, the killing?"
"I've been briefed on everything that's going on, do you know how far spread it is yet?"
"We've heard of reports in most of the Uk but london is still the only place overrun by the dead" For an army man he seem rather human, his voice made you want to talk, want to do well for him.
"What about over sea's" he sighed.
"In europe it's widespread as far as italy but not chaos like up there" He pointed to the ceiling. "There was a chase in just now of a man dying in New-york then coming back, someone told me they've started shooting people in the head after they've died over there just to be sure"
"What about New Zealand, my family are over there, my mum and dad, is there anything there?' he shook his head and a faint glimmer of hope lit up inside me.
"This is chaotic as you know, and we need to find a cure to this virus" did he not know I couldn't do that.
"Thats not what I do, I cut apart bodies"
"Yes we know, we want you to do that on one of those err things" I retracted slightly "Don't worry it'll be very safe, you'll be fine" it was my turn to smile at his assumption I was scared of catching it.
"That's not my concern, don't you think there's a person in there?" he looked at me in puzzlement, eyes asking for just a brief moment whether I was mad.
"NO" He spat "They're nothing but instinct and savage, there's nothing human in there" I nodded at his view. "But you'll do it won't you?"
"Sure anyway I can help" he looked pleased and I was glad to have my suspicions confirmed.
"Dissection's at five" he said and began to leave.
"Vivisection" I corrected and he stopped and turned.
"What"
"Well if the thing is still alive, human or not, it's a vivisection" I said calmly. He raised his eyebrows.
"Well there you go my word for the day, vivisection" he turned and left.

I would have never known at the time but that was something that would haunt me forever. His offhanded approach to this whole situation, like it happened every fortnight. I hadn't been given much time to think about what I was doing so I didn't, I spent the few hours i'd been given trying to make sure I remember to do everything right, the cut's the samples make sure I get everything I need. But I was thinking that it was just some sort of standard everyday task i'd been doing, it was anything but:

I arrived at elevator at five to five, something my mum taught me. There was a different person waiting to greet me, a officer called Watson, first names seem unheard of down here. He greeted me and we went into the lift. He looked younger than me, and looked nervous.
"You alright?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Never seen one before" he said quickly, and I wondered how with london how it is.
When we got to the room there we're just military there, all making sure I would not get killed but I wasn't really worried about that. My subject was on the table making grunting sounds but the way it was restrained meant it couldn't move one little bit. I turned to Watson.
"Could we get some Jazz music in here, I'm used to working with that and it would drown out the... well whatever you want to call it" He stared right passed me for a second then nodded and asked someone to get me what I wanted. Ten minuets later they came in with an iPod doc and my iPod, I didn't approve of them going into my room but at least they had got it, and it was there room really. Tony Bennett's Duet album from 2011 caught me attention and I set the volume to a level that filled the little room with life. My hands worked over the infected woman, looking for sighs that there was some sort of parasite but I found none, I could tell she was a smoker and had had kids but nothing that would explain why she came back to life or what killed her in the first place. What I had found was that her organs never restarted when she was resurrected. When things came to a close and I couldn't do anymore I went round to the head for the first time, making the soldiers uneasy. I looked into her eyes, they looked at me with anger, hatred and starvation. The music stops and Watson walks over.
"Are you done"
"Yes i've got everything I can" he nods and takes out his pistol and holds it to the woman's head. And for a moment, the smallest amount of time you can think of, she looks at me in distress, before having her head blown off. You'd think a gunshot would register as being loud but what I register is the sighs of relief coming from the men.

In my mind what I did to that woman was wrong, she was in there, and I cut her open.

One month later it's confirmed New Zealand is overrun.

I feel the rope in my hands, a hangman's knot was something I was always good at when I was in scots and now I realise that it was leading to this point in my life. The world as we knew it is gone now, only chaos and hunger are above ground. I remember hearing that america had fell, china turned into hell the russian front was falling back and that India had been overrun in five days. So you can't fault my decision to take my own life. I know I'm no use to finding a cure anymore, I made sure I did everything I could. Goodbye and Good luck.

Stephen Jenner

The Zombie Diaries - Part 1 – Outbreak

Day 1 – September 11 2014 - First Case 

The following is a transcript of a recorded message that was found in the ruins of the London, at the emergency services response department –

“999 what’s your emergency?”

Panicked voice “My friend, she’s gone crazy, I thought she was dead, oh god she trying to get in”

“Try to stay calm, where are you?”

“66 shutter close, you need to…” Screams heard followed by chaotic sounds.

“Hello, what’s happening? Help is on the way... can you answer” The sound of an animal tearing at flesh can be heard. 

Day 2 - September 12 2014 - Going Public 

The next item is a transcript of a news report found in the BBC london headquarters - 

"...Yesterday at around 9pm two police officers were brutally attacked by a woman in her mid twenties in east london, one of the officers was fatally wounded while the other has been taken to hospital. Another victim of these attacks was Lois Watson, a friend of the woman who's identity is still to be determined" 

"The woman in question who was later shot after biting and injuring several people and refusing to let her victims go. We now go live to the hospital where the injured officer is been treated, can you tell us anymore about the mans condition?" Cut's to hospital.

"Well we've had word from doctors that he's in a critical condition and apparently fighting of some sort of infection, we've also heard that other people who were attacked by the same person who attacked the police are coming down with something that doctors can't identify" 

After this it appears the digital copy has been corrupted. 

Day 3 - September 13 2014 - The ensuing chaos 

We have hear, statements from londoners that were evacuated and taken to the refugee camp to the north of london, the camp has since been overrun by the infected and the refugees either scattered or where infected and turned, these statements outline the first stages of mass infection in london. 

Joan rivers: 

I lived wembley and didn't experience any of the initial chaos as the infection started somewhere in the east. The news said that there we're riots and that there we're cases of people who had been proclaimed dead waking back up and attacking anything that moved. I got a phone call from my mum, who lives in scotland, and she told me I should get out of london which is what I tried to do. But the M1 was deadlocked and people we're abandoning there cars and walking down the motorway, it was then that I came into contact with a, well it was a person but they'd been infected and they we're out of control. After he, it attacked, everyone began to panic and run, I saw more and more of the infected then but i just kept on running, i'd never been so scared in my life. I heard talk of a camp for people trying to get out of london. I thought it was mad at first, like something out of a third world country. And that's how I ended up here after hitching a ride with a hijacked car and going along the side roads.  

Peter grant: 

It all went from nothing to chaos so fast, I had to take of in the night with my kids cause I didn't want to stay in london in case something happened to them, i'd seen those things chasing people down my street. So I took them out the back through the ally's and we got to the train station. But nothing was working so we ended up just walking down the line, we stayed in an abandoned house for a few days, but I saw the infected looking for anything living from the windows. We stayed until a military van drove past and I begged them to take me and my kids out which they did. 

Scared Of My Own Mind

Lately i've been having a lot of nightmares, it's been building up and up over the last month and I'm not sure why my mind is so active. It's the reality that scares me when in comes to nightmare, not the fact that I'm having them but the fact that they seems real while I'm in them. Two nights on the run now I've had bad dreams and loads in the past, but more recently they always seem to involve zombies or something that scares me enough to wake me. Then once I'm awake I know I'm not dreaming but I'm still scared, the smallest sound in my house makes me think zombies are just round the corner. I lie there convincing myself that that zombies don't sneak up you, that if there was one in the house it would have ate me by now. I woke up seating last night but at the same I was shivering. The worst part was that I new I had to go back to sleep, on one day I woke up around half six and new there was no need to go back under but last night it was three in the morning so I did have to go back to sleep and i found myself lying there with my eyes closed thinking "there's no such thing as zombies" over and over again. 


I don't get why my mind is doing this to myself, so I thought i'd pour everything I know about this into a blog post and hope it made a bit more sense, but I don't think it is if I'm honest. Maybe it's because i've been writing a lot more recently and my thoughts just keep going on and they come out as dreams at night. Anyway we'll see what happens with everything and I am thinking of doing another big blog post about a zombie apocalypse now, just to calm my nerves, so we'll see what happens here hoping for a full nights sleep. 

Why? Why'd you think?

Someone asked me what I'm writing this for, random cause I thought it was obvious, I write cause I want my feelings and everything that’s in my head, every mood, every idea, every passing emotion, good, bad or extreme to be preserved. Cause I want to be able to look back on all this and see what life used to be like, and see what a nut job i used to be, or I might be even worse and I might see how sane I used to be. Just goes right into the idea that life could go in any direction really and nobody really know's where we going to end up. The smartest person I know might end up going to the wrong party getting drunk and nine months later theres another human with half his genes or the most unlikely person might come up with the best business idea and end up richer than I can ever hope to be. 

Right now at this point in life more or less everyone I know is on the same level, just hoping to get through A-Level or GCSEs like I am. But then what happens when we're all let out into the big bad world? Well I can't even imagine how to answer that one cause anyone could go anyway. I know where I want to be but I have no idea where I'm going to end up. And that just about sums the whole thing up doesn't it, everyone knows where they'd like to be but nobody, however sure you are, knows where they are going to end up. For some people they might end up in a place better than that which they imagined and some may end up in a worse place. 

So why am I writing this? Well cause where ever I end up and however I get there I know that the Journey is going to be amazing, cause if I don't have an amazing life then whats the point to trying to get anywhere. 

The New World, Or The Old One?

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Black, it’s the canvas, the backdrop to life, black with, green, green numbers.

In a room the size of a, well no one can be sure. In a room which must go on forever, yes maybe that’s it, this isn’t a room it’s a the world, it goes on and on and on until you’ve gone all the way round and end up where you’ve started. In this existence, there are only rows, which is the world really. Rows of white boxes, which sit on top of black tables, which stand on top a white floor. In front of each screen sits a person. There eyes never move from the screen that’s in front of them, if the gaze has ever been broken or ever will be is anyone’s guess.

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But why, the green letters never seem to say, why is all this here, why everything.

In front of every person is a keyboard, but there are no letters, only numbers and symbols. Figures seem to glide over them like it’s what’s keeping them alive, but it’s not that, it’s all they know to do, what they think life is. All that can be heard is the pressing of keys and slow breathing, the two seem to both be an instinctive, not able to stop either without trying, but why would you try to stop to breathe. Out of each person wires grow, they all come from different part of the body, and all contain different color liquids or gasses. The wires spiral upwards until becoming one, and then disappearing into the cardboard sky. One square in the sky for every person, on each square the wire disappears in the center and then there’s a number, it’s going up every square we go. 

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What am I doing again? Did I ever know? When did I get here? When will I leave?

Number 274001167 looks up, and then quickly back down at the screen, not taking his figures away from the keyboard or stopping the swift movement. Nobody else turns there head, nobody even registers then unseen movement, the person sitting next to him has been here for 50 years, if you’d watched him for that amount of time then you wouldn’t have seen him move his head a single millimeter. After about an hour he moves his head again, stares now, at the people around him, he looks at his wires, wonders why he can’t feel this part of his body.

I touch one of the tubes and a resentful sensation makes me pull away and force air through my throat without thinking, the shock makes me lurch back. I want this thing out, but I touch it again and I feel it tear me. 

The person thinking, the person who turned his head, and questions what’s going on. He is made to feel pain, as he becomes free from the rest of humanity he bleeds and yells and screams as the inhuman material is ripped from his body. His neighbors do not show him any love, or any sentiment or acknowledgement of what is going on. But after the tortured he feels the euphoria or freedom of freedom, of not being locked into a machine.

He lies on the floor, arms hugging his legs drawn up to his chest, lungs trying to slow themselves, sweat mixed with blood rolling down his skin, but a smile on his face. He realizes that this is his true body, not the wires and plastic and twisting metal. Brushing the fabric on top of his skin he comes to the conclusion it’s not a true part of him either but it’s not doing any harm. After time, when the effects of the fight for independence have worn off, he beings to slowly get up. Sitting closed legged at fist, then slowly using the desks either side of him, up onto his feet. Blood still tickles from some of the sockets in his skin, and beginning to use muscles that don’t know what they’re doing, he moves forward.

Moving slowly onwards, life feeling like it’s going extremely fast. Right leg, left leg, right leg, left leg something about the repetitiveness reminds the outcast of how his life was. His progress beings to speed and soon he finds that when he looks back he can’t see where he started.

The black void that looms in front of me scares me but then I feel I must embrace it, I know I can’t go back to the old life, if you can call it a life, my fingers ache now as they’ve stopped moving for the first time in a life time, it’s the rest of my bodies turn to feel the burn and the excitement of movement. My right leg seems to drag a little, as I stumble forward it doesn’t seem to know what to do, I force it along and continue making steady progress.

The wall in front of the free man baffles him, his figures touch it and wonder what it is, whether his quest was pointless and he should plug himself back in but he throws that idea to floor to rest with his chains. He simply turns his head and beings walking, with more momentum in his step now, up the wall. The pain coming from all the different parts of his body seems to subside with this newfound determination.

1 hour – Adrenaline

2 hours – Joy of being free re-surfaces

3 hours – The build of happiness peaks

4 hours – The sense of being trapped begins

5 hours – Hope in something unknown – Staring into the unknown, the doorway, unknown to anyone in this world, having never been through one in living memory. He touches it, making it rock slightly on its hinges. He pushes it now, glimpsing a new light, one that seems effortless, not manufactured. Overwhelmed with his discovery he staggers through this doorway, facing him is a stonewall but to his left is the real world.

I look, and challenge my eyes, this part of reality cannot be real, the color, the deep blue and the enormity of the ceiling above me, and the amazing green, not the neon green of the old life, the intense bright of the small lines coming out of the floor. I look up to the bright light in the sky, my eyes flinch away from it, looking down I see how everything looks up to it, the light, the source of everything, the source of joy.

Without thinking our escapee runs back inside, not out of longing for the old life but out of a longing for the new one, and at the idea that everyone should see this. He goes to the nearest person and touches her; she looks up, wondering what the strange feeling is. Our freedom seeker explains with the few words he knows but the number doesn’t like what she hears.

Red turns the white floor into a place of shame; hope is the last thing that drains away, pain continuing everything as it always has been.

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Pressing the pause button

So it's the end of october and I thought it would be a good time to look back and everything that has happened recently. I want to say my life has been like a roller coaster but that image never made sense to me cause people talk about the downs being bad but there the funnest part of any roller coaster. But my life is just as mad I guess nowadays.

Life seems to be throwing stuff at me faster than I can catch nowadays and I'm trying to juggle while a catch and then if i drop something it's like i get thrown to extra things to add to the mass I'm already holding. In reality I wish it was a juggling act cause that would make things so much easier. Another thing I have found myself doing a lot nowadays is having to cut the crap in my life, it seems harsh but that what it's like nowadays. I mean it's the simpler things really in life that are gone now, I can't sit down to TV with the intention of watching anything i can find got to use that time more wisely.

So something else that's changing lately is friendships, everyone else I know has a life thats constantly changing and there are people I see today that I might never see again. But then I have to look at people sometimes and wonder why I'm friends with them. Maybe I'm just being kinda business like but sometimes once a person is out of your life it becomes so much better, but at least i hope i make the right decision on people.

So I've been writing a lot lately but nothing seems any good, but I'm hoping to have a post ready soon that's descriptive and stuff. But also wanna start doing other stuff on here like photography and stuff, thats why I made the bucket list tab cause its different. Anyway watch this space people cause stuff is happening.

Life in motion

life seems to be in fast forward again. Things have been changing for a while now but now we seem to be back to the fast past routine that goes, week, weekend. I know everyday is different but it feels like thats all life is a the moment. Someone hit the pause button just for a second cause I need to catch my breath. While I'm getting lost in my life's plot everyone else seems to be doing better than me, like I'm a chapter behind, which I currently am in english, more than a chapter.

Sometimes I look around and wonder what I'm doing, like I'm out of place and all this wrong. Sometimes I wonder how I got this life, why I am who I am but then I smile at the cinema tickets on my wall or at an old book I read years ago. These things seems to be the fabric of my existence cause I know it's what makes me up.

I remember the reason I started writing, not the one I tell people now, it was because I was asked what I wanted to be, and I thought and said a writer. That was it, I hadn't wrote a word before that but when I was asked and I answered I new what I said was actually true. But now I realise that it's true because i've always had stories in my head. I would sit and daydream about superheroes in primary school, I spent most of maths today imagining what would happen if there was a zombie outbreak at the school and who i'd be whiling to kill. And I could link everything from my book to something i've once daydreamed about. Which is now at 41,720 words by the way.

Life seems to be in motion. Not just from event to event but the way we think. I go from subject to subject without think and pour it all into this when I can. If life wasn't in motion we'd all be soulless.

Not quite sure...

So I did have a big descriptive piece for you all, but, I'm putting that of for one of those about me. Yeah cause I know everyone loved "keeping you cool" but I do feel like writing whats on my mind so I'm going to. Not sure where to start now.

Sometimes life seems like a giant maze, people spend time deciding whether to go right or left of forward or whatever but most of the time I just want to climb over the walls. Anyone who know's me might say thats I'm just trying not to be mainstream or not follow the crowds. But really what I'm trying to say is that I want a better outlook on life, if i climb to the top of the wall will I be able to see what I want in life, be it taking maths at school or deciding what people I like and I want to hang with. And if life was a maze what would be at the end? I know I write about death, or the absence of death, a lot but that can't be what we're all working towards. Whats my goal, whats at the end of my maze cause i've got to go through a whole new maze to work that out.

Not know what I want and thats the worst thing about life at the moment, don't know where I'm going to be in one year, five years or twenty years and that scares me. But then again I look at that amount of time and smile, think about it as an empty canvas that I'm going to throw my life at and the see how it looks and then I don't want to know how things are going to end up cause I can't wait to start painting.

Nights colours

They say that nights black but I disagree, the night isn’t black, when I look out of my window the night looks orange. Like the sky as absorbed some of the sunlight and is letting us have in back through the darkest part the human ritual. Really it’s just due to the mass amount of orange streetlights that cast the clouds orange. Elsewhere though human passion burns red during the night, hands run across bodies and spark fires so old they’re new. In those tucked away places the night flashes all colors as hands hit the air and euphoria starts to develop and the music hits your ears and makes the soul dance. But then for some the night is cold and blue, sheets occupied but eyes still open as wells overflow and let out the minds anguish. You look up as bird’s circle and open your eyes not to find the sun is back but the night is gone, never mourned or missed. We start to see more color but what we feel isn’t less intense and we don’t feel any less emotion, the night leaves space for things to shine through the absence of light. For the earth keeps turning and soon light will abandon us again.

The Smallest Leaf

You hear the small sounds first; the leaf that’s gently made it’s way to the ground and rested itself on the soft earth, the quiet stream that’s just behind you trickling away from now till forever, the snap of a branch as a rabbit runs into the thick undergrowth and the unstoppable force of the wind going through the trees. You feel the air run over you, It blows away the heat from the sun which feels like a dancing fire on your skin. Way up above you the branches of the ancient trees seem to sprawl out like they’ve been wove by spiders. You lose yourself in the subtly of every detail in every leaf, the smallest lines which lead to the largest branch. Then when you think you know the sight of what’s above you the wind blows the leaves and the branches creek and twist so everything is new and forever changing. Looking down you see a sea of undergrowth, the small plants raise up and crash into each other searching for light and space. 

Song I wrote this to  - Smog - Vessel in Vain. Got to give a lot of credit to Dan Cresswell who recommend the song and inspired me the start writing again. 

Keeping your cool

Ok so I'm having a really good week but now I can tell someone is really trying to get to me and make me snap so what do I do to stop things from getting worse? Well i don't know at the moment but I'm going to sit here and figure out how.

So what I just need was put on my favourite album but I'm still shaking with rage while typing and all I want is for them to stop but even as I'm typing there still doing it, I can't block them out and I don't want them to realise that it's getting to me and I'm soon going to snap and do something i'll regret. Right next option is to try and get someone to stop them but i don't want to snap so going to be careful and think about what i say.

Ok that was false hope as the person I was thinking of isn't online, still shaking slightly and i want to hit something but i know better and outbursts like that aren't going to help anything. Keeping cool isn't easy and I feel like the anger is growing inside me like a Tuma but I can't let it out. Ok now they just did something that seems rather nice, unless theres hidden subtlety to it that I don't know about. Ok taking deep breaths seems to help and theres me thinking that was just a cliche. Really trying to control myself now, i don't know what i'd do if i saw this person in real life and they we're saying the same sort of things, cause i know that my anger would get the better of me and i'd crack like glass. Then i couldn't tell you want'd happen. I might strike out cause it's been known to happen, or might i might go into a massive rage which would only spiral outwards from there.

So i guess I'm cool now, and it seems that just ignoring it and distracting myself with this was the best thing to do. Ok I know it's been a while since a post on here but i promise to but some proper stuff up soon, october is a month of change and all that.

Tears and ashes

Something I wrote not to long ago, it's not quiet a poem and not really a story but i'm putting it up here anyway. 


I walk through the fields by myself sometimes, with no particular aim, just walking. Trying to see how long I can go without touching the rest of humanity. But eventually there’ll be a man walking his dog or a woman out jogging. I don’t even take in the perfect surroundings, the clear blue sky which rolls and dives until it bumps into the endless green fields. I don’t notice the trees grasping up at the air standing tall and majestic, or the spring flowers peaking out of the ground there colors making the grey buildings I walk away from look like prisons. I don’t listen to the soothing sound of nature, the birds, the wind through the grass and the trees swaying as if to wave to you. Instead I plug myself into heavy metal and let it pound in my ears till I go deaf.  I don’t take in the sweet sent in the air of the flowers blooming; it doesn’t register in my brain. The wind doesn’t cool my skin when its hot and the sun doesn’t warm me when its cold. I walk through so many distractions and yet there’s still only one thing on my mind the fact that you don’t walk with me anymore. I used feel your hand in mine as we walked, I used to smell the perfume and the soap on your skin, I used to listen to your voice and let in enchant my ears, I would bath in the beauty and your eyes would take me away into another world. But instead I walk among your ashes and the tears shed for your departure until I come to the journeys end, where I find you’re not waiting for me and I wander into more distractions.

Online impact

Ok so this is yet another bit of the internet which I have to maintain now and it got me thinking how much time I spend just keeping things up to date. I mean right now I'm updating this new blog while constantly reading all the info of twitter, as well as talking to people on Facebook. Thats not to mention checking and responding to email and keeping photo albums up to date online.

So I know there's a reason I do all this, but what is the point in having such a big online impact, is it really so necessary to be everywhere online talking to the people you see all day? Wouldn't it be better to go on a night out with friends rather than sit in the house talking to them on Facebook or MSN.

Granted I know I sound like a hypocrite cause I'm writing this online but thats one of the main ways to reach a bigger audience nowadays, to be online cause the other forums  of media are dying out. How many young people today will sit down and read a news paper to find out whats going on? they won't they'll go online and read about it or, like I do a lot of the time, people will find out through social media. Take the recent earthquake in japan, i found out about that when I saw it on Facebook and then went to the BBC news website to read the story, this is the true meaning of social media, learning things the old fashion way, well sort of, through people you know.

I'm not calling new media a bad thing, it has many merits and I have to admit i couldn't live without it. But when people live for there Facebook and twitter then things have gone to far. When fights break out because someone liked somebody else's status things have gotten serious. And when criminals start using social media, the recent UK riots, then things are going wrong somewhere.

Animated life

There are birds flying round my head.

They tweet and fly and swoop until I grow dizzy watching them.

I walk with birds around my head.

People watch as I walk and they point and stare and laugh; until I forget they’re there.

There are hearts in my eyes.

They block my sense and make me stubble and trip.

I look at people with hearts in my eyes.

They don’t look back with hearts in there’s, they look back with x's. 

There’s steam coming out my ears.

Passion turns red and the first plague finds it’s way into hearts.

Steam comes out my ears.

Hands fly like alarm sprung bed sheets and words sucker punch even worse.

Getting started.

So here I'm sitting on the back of my bed listening to "foster the people" and wondering how to start a blog. Well I guess I just did. I decided to create a blog so I could post some of the stuff I write, cause I want to be a writer, and this way I know that i've at least put myself on the net even if no one reads this. At the moment I write lots of Radom things but I do have one big project thats been going at slow pace for a while now.


Yeah thats right I'm writing a book, well I want it to be much more than that, it's like creating a whole universe thats different to this one. It's called: The infinity cycle: Growing pains. Don't know how that sound to other people but to me it sounds cheesy. It's primary centred around a kid called alex, who goes through loads of stuff but he finds out that he's immortal and has to live with what that mean, and how one day he'll stop ageing and all his friends will die but he won't.


Anyway I hope that this goes well and this isn't the only post I actually do, i'm a sucker for starting things but never finishing them.