I new when I got here that I wouldn't be leaving, ever probably. When the plague struck I was almost killed in the first hours. As you can imagine working in a morgue and doing dissections didn't put my odds in any sort of good place. I still remember the flesh moving in my hands and the shock it sent though ever part of me, my judgement just couldn't understand what was happening.
In my work I take things at face value, if theres a bullet wound in someone they we're shot, if there's a massive growth they died of cancer and if they're dead they're dead. The eyes don't start to stare at you again and live, no hunger, doesn't grow back into the eyes and the arms don't reach out for you. I've often wondered if they mean to reach out to hurt you or if they're just sacred, scared of being dead? But my only instinct was to run and lock him in. It wasn't long till the military we're on the scene, they took me, not by force but they took me to where I am now. It's some sort of compound designed for a situation like this. We're very far underground by my reckoning, I know for a fact that the prime minister is someone down here as well as what part of the royal family we're in london.
What they want'd me to do isn't something I agreed with, it's not right in my mind, I remember the conversation they had with me when they asked me to do it, the worst conversation of my life:
The white brick walls and polished metal table seemed to stare at me, like I was in the room with them and not the other way around. I was waiting to be given some sort of task that would keep me in this safe place for now, I knew I'd bought my way here by being a doctor and that I was needed for something but I didn't exactly know what. Maybe they just want me to keep everyone healthy, I thought innocently but I knew that it was something more sinister, something that was much more out of the ordinary, but what part of any of this is ordinary. The door suddenly opened making me jump, but then everything seems to make me jump nowadays. The man that had walked in was about twice me age, in his mid fifty's with an army style haircut, and a standard green uniform that i'd been seeing everywhere.
"So you're the Doctor that we nabbed ah" I new this man, he was the chief of this whole operation.
"I guess I am" I said quietly, it was like being back at school and talking to the head teacher.
"Excellent, well I'll get straight to the point then shall I, this epidemic that's going on, we need your help" I nodded looking at him inquisitively "You know how all this works right? The virus, the dead, the killing?"
"I've been briefed on everything that's going on, do you know how far spread it is yet?"
"We've heard of reports in most of the Uk but london is still the only place overrun by the dead" For an army man he seem rather human, his voice made you want to talk, want to do well for him.
"What about over sea's" he sighed.
"In europe it's widespread as far as italy but not chaos like up there" He pointed to the ceiling. "There was a chase in just now of a man dying in New-york then coming back, someone told me they've started shooting people in the head after they've died over there just to be sure"
"What about New Zealand, my family are over there, my mum and dad, is there anything there?' he shook his head and a faint glimmer of hope lit up inside me.
"This is chaotic as you know, and we need to find a cure to this virus" did he not know I couldn't do that.
"Thats not what I do, I cut apart bodies"
"Yes we know, we want you to do that on one of those err things" I retracted slightly "Don't worry it'll be very safe, you'll be fine" it was my turn to smile at his assumption I was scared of catching it.
"That's not my concern, don't you think there's a person in there?" he looked at me in puzzlement, eyes asking for just a brief moment whether I was mad.
"NO" He spat "They're nothing but instinct and savage, there's nothing human in there" I nodded at his view. "But you'll do it won't you?"
"Sure anyway I can help" he looked pleased and I was glad to have my suspicions confirmed.
"Dissection's at five" he said and began to leave.
"Vivisection" I corrected and he stopped and turned.
"What"
"Well if the thing is still alive, human or not, it's a vivisection" I said calmly. He raised his eyebrows.
"Well there you go my word for the day, vivisection" he turned and left.
I would have never known at the time but that was something that would haunt me forever. His offhanded approach to this whole situation, like it happened every fortnight. I hadn't been given much time to think about what I was doing so I didn't, I spent the few hours i'd been given trying to make sure I remember to do everything right, the cut's the samples make sure I get everything I need. But I was thinking that it was just some sort of standard everyday task i'd been doing, it was anything but:
I arrived at elevator at five to five, something my mum taught me. There was a different person waiting to greet me, a officer called Watson, first names seem unheard of down here. He greeted me and we went into the lift. He looked younger than me, and looked nervous.
"You alright?" I asked. He shook his head.
"Never seen one before" he said quickly, and I wondered how with london how it is.
When we got to the room there we're just military there, all making sure I would not get killed but I wasn't really worried about that. My subject was on the table making grunting sounds but the way it was restrained meant it couldn't move one little bit. I turned to Watson.
"Could we get some Jazz music in here, I'm used to working with that and it would drown out the... well whatever you want to call it" He stared right passed me for a second then nodded and asked someone to get me what I wanted. Ten minuets later they came in with an iPod doc and my iPod, I didn't approve of them going into my room but at least they had got it, and it was there room really. Tony Bennett's Duet album from 2011 caught me attention and I set the volume to a level that filled the little room with life. My hands worked over the infected woman, looking for sighs that there was some sort of parasite but I found none, I could tell she was a smoker and had had kids but nothing that would explain why she came back to life or what killed her in the first place. What I had found was that her organs never restarted when she was resurrected. When things came to a close and I couldn't do anymore I went round to the head for the first time, making the soldiers uneasy. I looked into her eyes, they looked at me with anger, hatred and starvation. The music stops and Watson walks over.
"Are you done"
"Yes i've got everything I can" he nods and takes out his pistol and holds it to the woman's head. And for a moment, the smallest amount of time you can think of, she looks at me in distress, before having her head blown off. You'd think a gunshot would register as being loud but what I register is the sighs of relief coming from the men.
In my mind what I did to that woman was wrong, she was in there, and I cut her open.
One month later it's confirmed New Zealand is overrun.
I feel the rope in my hands, a hangman's knot was something I was always good at when I was in scots and now I realise that it was leading to this point in my life. The world as we knew it is gone now, only chaos and hunger are above ground. I remember hearing that america had fell, china turned into hell the russian front was falling back and that India had been overrun in five days. So you can't fault my decision to take my own life. I know I'm no use to finding a cure anymore, I made sure I did everything I could. Goodbye and Good luck.
Stephen Jenner
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